I see you.

A few days ago, I turned 36.  There were balloons and cake and lovely gifts the night before.  My daughters love any reason to party (and eat cake!) so we all had a lot of fun.

But I'm not going to sugar coat it, or tie it up in a neat little package, it was a weird day. 

Plans for a simple outing with the kids fell through and I ended up feeling incredibly....angry.

Like "storming-around-the-house-throwing-toys-and-yelling" kind of angry.  This happens to people sometimes, and maybe you've been there.  Out of your sensible mind, giving into powerful emotions instead of trying to process them in a healthy way.  Such a strange -and secretive- part of human behavior.

I'm sharing this with you because there are incredible gifts hidden in those shameful, sad, embarrasing parts of our lives.  The real gift of my thirty-sixth birthday was that I saw myself there, in the middle of an ordinary day, totally losing it.  I saw myself tired, and cooped up, and lonely and frustrated.  I saw myself on the other side of a move to a new state, renting my house, creating a new home, traveling for the holidays and staring at a new year in a new place.

And the only thing I allowed myself to feel was compassion.

Not shame.  Not disappointment.  Not regret. 

This was my birthday gift. 

My silly actions, my soul fever, was the only way I could get myself to pay attention.  I was ignoring every other sign of discomfort- tired body, dark circles, even physical pain- and it was time to wake up!

We are settled into Connecticut, and it is definitely time for some exquisite self-care, for the things that make me happy and truly feed my soul - a walk outside each day, a weekly yoga class, time to write in my journal, a massage, a new haircut, a relaxing bedtime ritual.  It is time to turn some of the attention onto myself, to care for myself a little more. 

And, I'm caring for you a little more today, too.  The next time that you find yourself feeling tense or tight or frustrated or downright angry, remember my birthday gift.  Let go of all the judgment.  Wrap your arms around yourself like you would your children.  I see you.  I know that you are doing the very best that you can.  

Fed Up with Frenzy...a Giveaway!

"When well-meaning parents experience their days as a race against time, much is actually lost. 

Many of us want more connection and meaning in our families' lives, but we remain too busy to even think about achieving those things." - Susan Sachs Lipman, Fed Up with Frenzy

Sometimes you just need to find a little cabin in the woods and hide out for a weekend to recalibrate and remember what is essential in your life.  That is just what my family did this past weekend, and it was incredible. 

For me, a total nature-lover, the opportunity to spend time outdoors, with all my senses alive, connecting with the changing season was very grounding and nurturing.  The night sky alone made our camping trip so special.  The sky was full of stars beyond stars amid the swirling haze of the Milky Way, and it was beautiful.  I love reminders that we are just one small part of an immense Universe. 

But I was really pleased that the rest of my family had a great time at camp, too.  Everyone embraced the adventure of cooking over an open fire, fetching water, sleeping in the little bunks.  I was so happy that I'd tossed Suz Lipman's new book, Fed Up with Frenzy into my pack, because a section of the book is dedicated to camping together.

We followed her instructions to make "Hobo Popcorn" over the campfire, and cheered when we actually heard the little kernels popping inside their aluminum foil pouch.  Susan's years of experience as a Girl Scout Troop Leader (as well as being Social Media Director at the Children & Nature Network) ensured that her book not only included tons of outdoor activities, but sing-along song lyrics, too!  My girls loved belting out, She'll Be Coming 'Round the Mountain with all the silly verses.  We built fairy houses and ate s'mores and played in Watchaug Pond.

As my husband and I worked together to provide the neccessities in our rustic setting, and as we all enjoyed eachother's company and laughed and read stories around the campfire, I felt certain that all was right in the world.  Disconnected from the frenzy of daily life, I remembered what is essential in my own- health, nourishment and time to just be with the people I love. 

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Of course, we can't hide in the woods forever!  But we can definitely continue to slow down and make time for family.  Fed Up with Frenzy is chock-full of fun activities that will take your family from the woods to the kitchen, through the seasons, into the garden and back again.  Suz has included craft ideas, recipes and a wonderful collection of games to play.  Anyone seeking a little inspiration for "family time" will find it here.

And Suz has given me a copy of her book to give away to one of you!! 

Just leave a comment below, telling me how you like to just be with the ones you love. 

I'll randomly select a winner next week!

The Gift of a Rainy Morning

This rainy summer morning had me appreciating the chance to slow down and spend time with my children. Nowhere to go, nothing to do…but play and talk and listen. It’s amazing what you hear when you actually listen, isn’t it?

In his book, Simplicity Parenting, Kim John Payne writes so eloquently about the soul fevers that our children experience. Those times when we know in our bones that something is off, that our children are not their usual, bright, joyful selves. Sometimes gloom, fussiness, or frustration, settle in for awhile instead.

As humans, we all experience these soul fevers. We all have periods of ups and downs. And we do our best, with what knowledge and ability we have at the time, to navigate through these moods and feelings as a family.

I love Kim’s reminder of all the tenderness and compassion that we easily pour into our children when they have physical fevers. Kim challenges us to treat soul fevers the same way. When we slow down, suspend the normal routine and stay close, we can allow the fever to run its course and find our way back to a new- simpler- normal.

Rainy days can give us that chance, too. What a great excuse to suspend the normal routine and stay close. Rainy days are perfect days for reconnecting.

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There are some great posts in the Simplicity Parenting Archives about Soul Fever in overtired children and kids worrying about school.  Check them out!


By Emma, Age 4



Summer of Love::Check In

I want to reach out to my community today to ask “How is it going?” Do you feel like you’re experiencing a Summer of Love, or a Summer of Struggles?

I’ve had a few different conversations with friends who told me that they think about the Summer of Love when they’ve just bribed or punished or yelled at their kids….and then they feel guilty or disappointed or sad about it.

So, I want to remind you today to LOVE YOURSELF this summer, too. You cannot give to your family when your own cup is empty. Tired, sweaty, stressed parents do not have endless supplies of kindness and patience to give.

It is not unusual to come to a place where you feel completely tapped out and up against a wall as you try to explain that you just don’t know where her purple cup is, or you can’t drive him to his friend’s house right now, or whatever it might be. Those are the moments when it can escalate and turn into something you’re not proud of. I know, because I’ve been there, too.

But those moments are your red flags. They are the signs to stop and ask for help. Give yourself a break. Ask a friend to play with your kids for an hour or two while you do what you need to do to take care of your own needs. Maybe you’ll go for a walk, or sit in the quiet library, or meet a friend for lunch. Self-care is not a luxury…it is essential to good parenting.

Taking the time to fill your own cup will give you a fresh perspective. You will replenish your supplies of kindness and patience and creativity. You will be able to listen to your children once again, you will understand what they need, and you will be able to find your way again.

Vacation State of Mind

In a few days I will be packing up the girls and heading out of town for a week at the beach with my family. This was the vacation I knew as a child, and the tradition continues with the next generation, which is very special (and very generous of my mom and dad!).

Cape Cod, MA (last year)

What I’m looking forward to the most is the sensation of moving at a much slower pace, disconnecting from the chores and busyness of our days, and having a vacation state of mind...

Relaxation is a priority; there is nothing to rush to; there is no place that you must be, other than right here, right now, in this moment.

Granted, we are not a family that rushes to many places, because I purposely limit our commitments, but I will admit to experiencing a great deal of rushing within my own mind. I am constantly working through a to-do list and worrying about how to best use the spare moments of my days.  For me, a vacation state of mind will help quiet that inner chatter and encourage mindfulness.

While I'm away, I will try to let go of extraneous thoughts and bring my attention back to the present moment. I want to respond to my children with my full attention. I want to experience the beauty of my surroundings, the joy of my family around me and the deliciousness of each meal. This will be my own little mindfulness retreat.

And when my retreat is over, I hope to carry some of its lessons home with me. I will have to unload the car, and unpack the suitcase, and do the laundry and turn on the computer and get back into the swing of things….but not. so. fast. Let me hold my vacation state of mind a little longer. Let me remain fully engaged in the moments of the days that follow, too.

I will be away from this space for the week, but look forward to meeting you back here with some reflections on my mindfulness retreat! 

First Steps on the Path

My beautiful friend, Erin Goodman, has invited me to share a guest post today in her new series, First Steps on the Path.  Please stop by for a visit, as I reminisce about a turning point in my life where I reconnected with an old friend...

Thoughts on Warmth

I actually love seeing my children’s winter gear strewn about the house- the jackets drying on the backs of chairs, hats and mittens warming on a radiator, boots waiting by the door. I’m happy when I see my girls bundled up and warm as they play outside. And I’ve been enjoying all the ways I can warm their bodies when they come back inside—cookies right out of the oven, little mugs of hot cocoa, a game in front of the fireplace, extra blankets at story-time.

During a quiet part of the day, I’ve started curling up with a collection of lectures given by the incomparable Rudolf Steiner in the early 1900’s. The other day I was struck by this statement he made about young children:

“What you say, what you teach, does not yet make an impression,

except insofar as children imitate what you say in their own speech.

But it is what you are that matters;

if you are good this goodness will appear in your gestures…”

- from The Kingdom of Childhood

Steiner’s lecture reminds me of another aspect of warmth that needs our attention: the warmth of our words, our thoughts and our actions. Can these things also wrap themselves around our children and help them feel cozy and cared for and loved? What can we do each day to be our best selves and to make ourselves worthy of imitation?

I know that for myself, I must create some quiet moments each day to sip a cup of tea and rest for bit; I must focus on one task at a time; I must remember to breathe and to stretch; and to say less and listen more. These very small (though not easy) actions generate warmth. They bring calm and peace and pave the way for kind gestures. They bring out the sort of goodness that is worthy of imitation. Yes, those teeny actions throughout the day help me remember what matters most…

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For those of you in Rhode Island, you will soon have the opportunity to spend a *warm* evening with Kim John Payne, author of Simplicity Parenting!  He will be speaking at the Meadowbrook Waldorf School in West Kingston, RI on Wednesday, February 8th at 7 pm. The evening’s topic will be The Soul of Discipline: Nurturing Healthy Behaviors in the Growing Child.

More information can be found on the Meadowbrook Waldorf School’s Facebook Page.  You may also call (401)491-9570 during the school day to register for this free event.

If you are local, I hope to see you there!!

My Spiral, My Journey

Last spring, I had the honor of being part of a one day retreat for women. We talked about what we wanted to change in our lives, we named the things we wanted more of, and we mapped out the baby steps that would gradually get us to our goals.

In those days, I spent a lot of time feeling frustrated. My toddler was “melting down” each and every day, I was often out of patience, and we were both overwhelmed. In my heart, I knew that our struggles were telling me that something was wrong. I knew the path we were on wasn’t leading toward my tender vision of childhood and parenthood, and I knew there was a better way.

At the retreat, I drew a map of my way out of that frustrated place. I drew a spiraling path, full of things that would help me connect to my daughter. I drew a path toward peace.

Now my spiral hangs on the fridge to remind me of what's important.

I finally read Simplicity Parenting from cover to cover, and was touched and humbled and inspired by the words written on page after page. I put more and more of Kim Payne’s recommendations into practice and saw immediate results. A slow, predictable rhythm, fewer choices, and fewer distractions really helped bring peace and calm to our days. As I began to release tension, I could clearly see my daughter as the young child that she was, and I could more easily be a consistent source of comfort and strength in her times of need.

Now, I am a Simplicity Parenting© Group Leader, sharing these techniques with other families. I want to help families slow down, and make space for the simple joys of childhood. My workshops give parents the tools they need to make small, do-able changes at home that will deepen family connections and create more time for fun.

I will be offering - A Simple Holiday- a free talk for parents who want more meaning, more magic and more connection this holiday season. Learn how the extraordinary “Power of Less” can help your family find peace this holiday… and all year long!
Details about A Simple Holiday and other workshops will be posted here and on my Facebook page very soon!

JOY in the slow down

I watched a hummingbird hover at a feeder then zoom off to the treetops, then come careening back again. Wings beating over 50 times per second, heart beating over 1,200 beats per minute…

Photograph by Robert Lubeck/Animals Animals—Earth Scenes

And then I watched it stop.

Seeing it perch on my mother’s clothesline filled me with so much JOY. Partly because it was fun to actually see it better, and partly because I just let myself feel that tiny bird’s moment of rest.

After ten days of the Joy UP, one special take away is the reminder that to access more joy we have to slow down to get in touch with it, to make room for it, to welcome it in. There’s so much I want to keep UP, but especially the few minutes of meditation each day. It has been transformative. Calming.

Like a hummingbird sitting on a line.

In Simplicity Parenting© we talk about the same thing-- slowing down to welcome more joy into every day life with kids. Taking time to ask ourselves, what doesn’t feel quite right? Figuring out some easy changes for the whole family that takes everyone to an easier place.

So naturally, Hannah Marcotti is the very best person to help me bring Simplicity Parenting© to Rhode Island mamas!  We've created Simple Mama for local women who want to look at family life with fresh eyes, to feel inspired, to build connections, to go deeper.  Will you join us?  We start September 12th.