I could get used to this.

I could get used to this.  This being still thing.  This getting grounded in the here and now. 

Our lives are influenced by so many rhythms- seasonal rhythms, lunar patterns, the rhythms of our days and our weeks.  I know this to be true and yet, I still find myself amazed when I step back and observe it. 

So often when we are tired or blue or our energy is low we feel like we must push on through it.  Taking a break, or expecting less of ourselves feels like a cop out.  Especially when we all know at least 10 women who do it all with absolute style and grace!  Why should I let myself off the hook?

Let me tell you, letting yourself off the hook is not a cop out!  It is actually you tuning into the natural rhythm of life.  Everyone has highs and lows; we have energy and enthusiasm; and then we have darkness and doubt.  It is so very perfectly normal.  So perfect in its predictability, and in the way the changes make us feel every single time. 

When we let ourselves off the hook and stop beating ourselves up for feeling less than, we can create the space we need to get grounded in the real feelings.  The quieter we are, the more compassionate we are toward ourselves, the more open we actually become to that brighter mood. Waiting it out, rather than pushing through it, is a huge shift.  It requires us to trust that we are normal, and that we are going to get our energy and enthusiasm back.  It requires us to withhold judgement and believe that we are worthy of generous doses of self-care.

And then, almost without notice we are smiling again, we are painting with our kids, we are welcoming light and joy back into our days.  Perfect rhythm.

xo

Allison

Turn, Turn, Turn

Cute Apple Sacks found at Sono-ma

The current under-current of cool air has me thinking of Fall.  And though I still have batches of salsa to make and green beans to freeze, I am feeling little waves of excitement when I think about the changes that September will bring.  My oldest will be heading back to nursery school for a few mornings a week, and her little sister and I will be enjoying more one-on-one time (a rarity around here).

Now is the time to prepare for the transition back to school.  As parents, there is so much that we can do to make that transition easier for the whole family.  There are many wonderful resources to help you find the best backpack and prepare for that first day, and today I want to share a few tips for staying close when schedules start to take family members in different directions.

Draft a rhythm.  First, think about what you need to pull off to get everyone out of the door on time.  What can happen the night before to take the pressure off in the mornings?  And, where can you build in some family time in the midst of getting ready for the day? 

• Family Pig Pile- everyone can pile into your bed to say good morning and talk about what's coming up.
• Breakfast Together- simple weekday breakfasts make it easier to sit down together to share your morning meal and talk about the day ahead.
• Clean Up Game- make getting ready fun (and fast) with little touches you can all enjoy.  Sing some silly songs or play their favorite music; say "yes" to more of their choices so they can feel excited about getting ready; celebrate with a quick game or the next chapter of a beloved book before you head out the door.

Be realistic.  Decide now how you would like your afternoons to flow.  How many afterschool activities will be manageable?  Don't forget the incredible value of downtime for children.  This is when they can rest, or just play and be free to use their imaginations.  If its helpful, ask older children to create a list of both structured and unstructured afterschool fun, and then choose 1-2 structured activities and several more unstructured that they will enjoy at home or in the neighborhood.  This way, everyone decides together what will suit the entire family.

Make time to connect.  Our children are finding their own way in this great big world, and as you may remember, that's not always easy.  The more time you all spend "hanging out" at home after school or on the weekends, the more opportunities your children will have to come to you when something is bothering them.  A mom in one of my workshops remembered that her own mother always gave the kids a snack after school and then sat down to knit or read a book.  She didn't pester them for details of their day, but she was open and available to her children if they needed her.  What daily rituals can you use to show your kids that "your door is always open?"  If you need some help, check out these clever conversation starters.

While you're enjoying these last weeks of summer, take some time to talk about these topics with your spouse or a friend.  Imagine the best school year, with the perfect balance of independence and family time, then work strategically to make it a reality!

The Gift of a Rainy Morning

This rainy summer morning had me appreciating the chance to slow down and spend time with my children. Nowhere to go, nothing to do…but play and talk and listen. It’s amazing what you hear when you actually listen, isn’t it?

In his book, Simplicity Parenting, Kim John Payne writes so eloquently about the soul fevers that our children experience. Those times when we know in our bones that something is off, that our children are not their usual, bright, joyful selves. Sometimes gloom, fussiness, or frustration, settle in for awhile instead.

As humans, we all experience these soul fevers. We all have periods of ups and downs. And we do our best, with what knowledge and ability we have at the time, to navigate through these moods and feelings as a family.

I love Kim’s reminder of all the tenderness and compassion that we easily pour into our children when they have physical fevers. Kim challenges us to treat soul fevers the same way. When we slow down, suspend the normal routine and stay close, we can allow the fever to run its course and find our way back to a new- simpler- normal.

Rainy days can give us that chance, too. What a great excuse to suspend the normal routine and stay close. Rainy days are perfect days for reconnecting.

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There are some great posts in the Simplicity Parenting Archives about Soul Fever in overtired children and kids worrying about school.  Check them out!


By Emma, Age 4



Simple Summer::Rhythm

With school vacation about to commence, it seems like a great time for all of us to do a little checking-in with ourselves. Are you ready to have the kids home everyday? Or, if you do the childcare-summer camp dance, are you ready to go?

Here are five keys to a Simple Summer rhythm:

Maintain much of what has been working well for your family all year, especially when it comes to mealtimes, rest times and bedtimes. If you tweak any of these for summer, later bedtimes for example, pay attention to the affect on moods, energy levels and overall health. You want those kiddos feeling their best for summer fun!

Make sure that all the summer activity is balanced by plenty of summer leisure. This really applies to the whole family- give yourselves time each day to enjoy some quiet moments together. Playing board games, working on puzzles, reading aloud, finding new hobbies…these shared leisure activities provide moments of connection that make summertime extra special.

Plan your meals. You want to enjoy summer, too, which means you don’t want to be stuck in the (hot) kitchen, figuring out what to prepare. Start the week off with a plan for each day’s meals (and snacks) and have all the ingredients on hand. Use the local veggies growing now and keep it all simple- salads of all kinds, a quick stir-fry over rice, pizza on the grill, popcorn and fresh fruit for snacks or dessert.

An outing or two will do. Summer offers so many fun and exciting adventures, and sometimes it’s hard to pass up on any of it. But remember that one of the true joys of childhood is unstructured, uninterrupted playtime. Kids don’t actually require a lot of organized educational activities; they just need time to be kids! Protect that time by registering them for only a couple of programs or camps (or just what is necessary to fit your work schedule). Keep the rest of the time wide open for their own adventures.

Be in nature together. Its fun to get outside to play and soak up the sun, but summer also affords the opportunity to really connect with the season and with nature all around us. Try to choose a time each day, or a day each week (or even each month) to tune-in to plants and animals and environments. Explore hiking trails near your home, go bird-watching in a local park, paddle a canoe, go camping in the woods- this time in nature is restorative for all of us.

And remember, if you’re ever feeling overwhelmed, revisit your daily rhythm and spend some time thinking about how you wish the days were flowing. Looking at all the parts of the day brings everything into perspective. Notice where you’re actually doing okay, and where you really do need to make some changes. Go ahead and make the changes that help your family, because summertime (like childhood) is passing by so quickly.

Rhythm: the heartbeat of our days

I’ve been following an informative series over at The Parenting Passageway about the Eight Facets of a Healthy Family Culture. To kick off the series, Carrie has been talking about rhythm- a topic near and dear to my heart- as I have seen the transformative power of a solid rhythm firsthand. Here are a few thoughts I'd like to add to the conversation:

I keep a little note in my kitchen windowsill, above my sink, and this little paper means the world to me- it is the heartbeat of our days. Sometimes friends come over and comment on it, and say they’d like me to share it. So today I’m very happy to do that here….with one caveat. As Carrie said in her post today, “My only caution is: rhythm is specific to your family and your family’s values and life. Therefore, please don’t spend TOO much time looking. Get out your piece of paper and write down a flow to your day. Live with it, tweak it, change it, but start.”

Winter Rhythm 2012


So, are my weeks as perfect as they look on paper? Not really! But I'm not actually striving for "perfect."  I'm striving for predictability and purpose and peace of mind.  Some days we can’t pull off all of the little tasks, and some days we don’t want to because we’re having fun doing something else. But the point is that this IS our underlying rhythm either way. There is flexibility and we can skip or substitute parts of the day as we wish, but the truth is that if we stretch too far, or ignore too much, we begin to feel out of sorts. That uncomfortable feeling lets us know its time to come back in step with the gentle rhythm that we’ve come to know and trust and count on.

I want to tell you that this beautiful rhythm has given my life purpose. It has helped me understand life at home with little ones, and it continues to help me create the warm, loving home that I want for my family. If you have not yet looked at rhythm in your own home, I would love to help you start!