Simple Summer::Grasshopper

I can hardly believe my luck!  I also had the chance to observe a grasshopper today.  And yes, I did feed it sugar, so it might linger just long enough for me to take a few photographs to share with you. 
What are you noticing this weekend?

Simple Summer::A Poem

I have enjoyed capturing little bits of summer here on Friday mornings.  And now we come to the unofficial end of the season.  I leave you with a beautiful poem by Mary Oliver.  

The Summer Day

Who made the world?

Who made the swan, and the black bear?

Who made the grasshopper?

This grasshopper, I mean—

the one who has flung herself out of the grass,

the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,

who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down—

who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.

Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.

Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.

I don't know exactly what a prayer is.

I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down

into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,

how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,

which is what I have been doing all day.

Tell me, what else should I have done?

Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?

Tell me, what is it you plan to do

with your one wild and precious life?

"The Summer Day" by Mary Oliver,  from The Truro Bear and Other Adventures: Poems and Essays. © Beacon Press, 2008.

Simple Summer::Little Reminders

The other morning I had to run a quick errand with my daughters in tow.  No sooner had we backed out of the driveway, then I could hear the distinct *thud* of shoes coming off and hitting the floor.  I found myself feeling irritated, as I started to think about what an inconvenience this barefootedness was, for now we would need to take the extra time to put two pairs of socks and shoes back on before we could run into the hardware store. 

Up in the driver's seat, I was still feeling sorry for myself as we passed through part of the Brown University campus.  Crossing the street in front of me, I saw a mom and her college-bound daughter.  They were carrying a little map, clearly familiarizing themselves with the girl's new home.  I imagined how they'd unpacked her belongings and set up her dorm room, and now they were out for a walk.  It wouldn't be long before mom would have to say "Good-bye."

In that moment, it occurred to me that if I had asked that mom about her thoughts on barefeet in the backseat, she surely would have laughed.  And she would've gladly chosen to trade places for a day, if only to have the chance to hold that little foot in her hand one more time and lovingly place the sock back on.

I was humbled.  And filled with gratitude for where I am right. now.  Yes, it is hard sometimes.  Yes, our pace is slow.  But I am grateful.

When we reached the store, I kissed each of my children, pulled the little straps across their feet, and gently fastened their buckles.

Simple Summer::Our Big Backyard

My daughters and I had a blast yesterday at the Roger Williams Park Zoo's newest installation, "Our Big Backyard."  If you are close to Providence, I highly recommend a visit.

The new outdoor play space incorporates many elements of nature with simple toys and a beautiful aesthetic to create a dream of a backyard!  An amazing (and handicapped accessible) treehouse towers over the play yard, complete with binoculars, wooden chimes, rainmakers and a scavenger hunt.

Down below, you will find more music making, as well as a stage for impromptu animal puppet shows, and an area for creating forts and tunnels and whatever your little mind can dream up when presented with playsilks and clips and chains and bins full of wooden blocks.  So cool!

The play space also has a fun water garden, where kids can control sprinklers and experiment with hoses and funky water wheels made from repurposed materials.  There's even a pond to go "fishing" with good, ol' fashioned wooden sticks!

My friend Jeanine wrote a great review of the play space last month.

So, come up to Providence and spend a morning in "Our Big Backyard."  Guaranteed you'll find inspiration for your own backyard, too!

Simple Summer::Obstacle Course

In case you missed it, I was over at Kidoinfo this week with ideas for a simple backyard obstacle course.  How does your family like to play together?   Leave a comment about your family's favorite games or pastimes. 

Have fun this weekend!

Summer of Love::Check In

I want to reach out to my community today to ask “How is it going?” Do you feel like you’re experiencing a Summer of Love, or a Summer of Struggles?

I’ve had a few different conversations with friends who told me that they think about the Summer of Love when they’ve just bribed or punished or yelled at their kids….and then they feel guilty or disappointed or sad about it.

So, I want to remind you today to LOVE YOURSELF this summer, too. You cannot give to your family when your own cup is empty. Tired, sweaty, stressed parents do not have endless supplies of kindness and patience to give.

It is not unusual to come to a place where you feel completely tapped out and up against a wall as you try to explain that you just don’t know where her purple cup is, or you can’t drive him to his friend’s house right now, or whatever it might be. Those are the moments when it can escalate and turn into something you’re not proud of. I know, because I’ve been there, too.

But those moments are your red flags. They are the signs to stop and ask for help. Give yourself a break. Ask a friend to play with your kids for an hour or two while you do what you need to do to take care of your own needs. Maybe you’ll go for a walk, or sit in the quiet library, or meet a friend for lunch. Self-care is not a luxury…it is essential to good parenting.

Taking the time to fill your own cup will give you a fresh perspective. You will replenish your supplies of kindness and patience and creativity. You will be able to listen to your children once again, you will understand what they need, and you will be able to find your way again.

Simple Summer::Butterfly

Happiness is a butterfly,

which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp,

but which, if you will sit down quietly,

may alight upon you.

~Nathaniel Hawthorne

In my mother's garden

Awareness

I think it’s amazing that you can pack up and set off with plans to experience one thing, but end up experiencing something completely different, only to realize that you got exactly what you needed in the end. That pretty much sums up last week’s vacation experience.

Now, for those who have vacationed with two preschool-aged kids, you may already be grinning. This may not be too surprising to hear….but our week away was hard. Really hard.

I believe it is simply overwhelming at times to be a little child, away from the truest comfort of home. And I believe it is simply overwhelming at times to be a parent, when you let worry, embarrassment or frustration crowd out space for deep, nourishing, unconditional love.

Our week’s vacation had lots of joyful moments full of sand castles and boogie boards and giggling and ice cream cones. It also had moments of stress and anger and tears. Through it all, I held my intention to be mindful and became totally aware of some important things:

• Some days my very first sensation is tension. If I’m awakened earlier than I’d prefer or if I’m worried that the first child up will wake her sister, I feel tension in my body, my breath is shallow and my mind is racing.
• I am actually afraid of the powerful emotions of anger and frustration. When I witness these emotions in my children, I feel worried, my mind scrambling for the “right” thing to do. When I feel these emotions arise in myself, I stifle them and grit my teeth until I can’t bear it any longer.
• When a wave of powerful emotions has passed in my family, I remain held in the experience. My mind replays interactions, judges how things were handled, worries about the reasons or the implications. (Children, however, have this amazing ability to let go and move on).
• Children cannot settle into a peaceful rhythm, when the adults around them are unsettled or not at peace in their own minds. Children do perceive anxiety, even when it is not expressed outwardly.
• I am completely grounded when I am outdoors, surrounded by beauty and a limitless sky above me. When I am in nature, I find fewer distractions, I engage with my children more easily and really enjoy being in the present moment.

When I left for vacation, I could not have guessed that I would have learned these things about myself. As I unpack them, I see where I need to direct some attention and some love for myself. And I am beginning to understand the transformative power of mindfulness.

You can try this, too.  Spend some time as an observer of your own day.  Notice your own thoughts- where do they drift to? how can you bring them back?; witness your experience of different emotions;  watch yourself actively engage with your children, and notice the moment you drift. 

What do you think you will you learn about yourself? 

Vacation State of Mind

In a few days I will be packing up the girls and heading out of town for a week at the beach with my family. This was the vacation I knew as a child, and the tradition continues with the next generation, which is very special (and very generous of my mom and dad!).

Cape Cod, MA (last year)

What I’m looking forward to the most is the sensation of moving at a much slower pace, disconnecting from the chores and busyness of our days, and having a vacation state of mind...

Relaxation is a priority; there is nothing to rush to; there is no place that you must be, other than right here, right now, in this moment.

Granted, we are not a family that rushes to many places, because I purposely limit our commitments, but I will admit to experiencing a great deal of rushing within my own mind. I am constantly working through a to-do list and worrying about how to best use the spare moments of my days.  For me, a vacation state of mind will help quiet that inner chatter and encourage mindfulness.

While I'm away, I will try to let go of extraneous thoughts and bring my attention back to the present moment. I want to respond to my children with my full attention. I want to experience the beauty of my surroundings, the joy of my family around me and the deliciousness of each meal. This will be my own little mindfulness retreat.

And when my retreat is over, I hope to carry some of its lessons home with me. I will have to unload the car, and unpack the suitcase, and do the laundry and turn on the computer and get back into the swing of things….but not. so. fast. Let me hold my vacation state of mind a little longer. Let me remain fully engaged in the moments of the days that follow, too.

I will be away from this space for the week, but look forward to meeting you back here with some reflections on my mindfulness retreat! 

Simple Summer::Trust



Trust

Following your intuition.

Knowing you're not alone up there.

Taking flight.

Images from the Big Apple Circus

_________________________________________________________________________________

For those of you in Rhode Island, the Big Apple Circus will be at Ninigret Park in Charlestown through July 8th.  A classic, one ring circus under the big top, full of terrific performances.  And yes, my favorite act was the flying trapeze.  Amazing!




Did you hear? It's the Summer of Love!

We are in an interesting phase of family life right now. Lest my blog readers think that everything is smiles and matching dresses over here, I wanted to share a glimpse into another corner of our daily life--- power struggles.

My daughters are 4 and nearly 3, and it feels as though we are in the thick of a new phase in which both girls test authority on a regular basis. It sort of crept up on us. Seemingly overnight, our easy-going 2 year old nudged closer to 3, and developed some very strong opinions of her own. Mix in the strong will of her older sister, and you’ve got the makings of some intense days!

But I have decided to take a huge step away from all of the intensity, to observe what is actually happening and to think clearly about what is needed right now. Some basic truths:

• Children test authority. They have different personalities and temperaments, but each in their own way, they need to push against a boundary to see that it exists and to see where they stand.
• Parents need not let this testing ruffle their feathers. Getting a rise out of a big grown-up must pique the curiosity of a little kid (or teen!) who usually doesn’t wield much power in her world.
• As parents, our challenge isn’t to “win” the power play; it’s to tactfully use our authority to guide these children toward self-control and acceptable behavior.
• A clear vision of what we want, plainly expressed will guide their wayward ships toward shore. No yelling, threats or bribery needed here. Simply an adult clearly paying attention and clearly in charge. An adult worthy of imitation.

Easier said than done? Perhaps! But it is the challenge before us, whether we feel ready for it, or not. There is no changing child development, and it does no good to resist or retreat back into old-school discipline methods.

In my house, I am declaring this the Summer of Love. It’s a little reminder that our children’s needs come first. As we navigate this awkward, testy phase I’m prepared to stick close to home, minimize activities, follow a pretty firm daily rhythm, and stop whatever I’m doing when my children’s behavior tells me they’re off-course (I know, this part doesn’t sound like a lot of fun…but it actually IS full of play and stories and hanging out together and it really is quite nice).

But the greatest thing about the Summer of Love is that it’s also a time to give some extra lovin’ to these kids of ours, no matter what else is going on in our lives. We’ll be carving out one-on-one time with me or Mike. We’ll be remembering that humor and good music are always waiting in the wings to cheer people up. And we’ll always, always be showing our children that our love and affection are unconditional. Freely flowing and totally groovy! 

Simple Summer::Bucket List

We welcomed Summer on Wednesday night with lovely friends and good conversation. I hope the season continues in much the same way- easy gatherings with loved ones, and classic summer fun for the kids. It’s these little joyful moments that will make the sweetest memories someday. And, what might the joyful moments look like this summer? I created a Summer Bucket List for inspiration...

Go strawberry picking

Design a fairy garden

Make art, outside, with the kids (sketch, paint, collage)

Learn to hoola (this one's for me!)

Picnic in the backyard

Take walks in the woods, find treasures for our nature table

Read stories and poetry in the fresh air

Spend lots of time at the beach

Tag the neighborhood with happy sidewalk chalk

Giggle under the big top

Listen to their music under the trees

Camp out in the backyard

Go to the county fair

It will be so very helpful to have this list to refer to as summer gets into full swing. These simple activities will be the priorities, and I will make space for them as we establish our summer rhythm and as we start to schedule things on the calendar. Weekend family time will feel easy and purposeful when we have a short list of ideas to go to.

So now it’s your turn! What joyful moments would you like to experience with your family this summer? What’s on your Summer Bucket List?

Simple Summer::Rhythm

With school vacation about to commence, it seems like a great time for all of us to do a little checking-in with ourselves. Are you ready to have the kids home everyday? Or, if you do the childcare-summer camp dance, are you ready to go?

Here are five keys to a Simple Summer rhythm:

Maintain much of what has been working well for your family all year, especially when it comes to mealtimes, rest times and bedtimes. If you tweak any of these for summer, later bedtimes for example, pay attention to the affect on moods, energy levels and overall health. You want those kiddos feeling their best for summer fun!

Make sure that all the summer activity is balanced by plenty of summer leisure. This really applies to the whole family- give yourselves time each day to enjoy some quiet moments together. Playing board games, working on puzzles, reading aloud, finding new hobbies…these shared leisure activities provide moments of connection that make summertime extra special.

Plan your meals. You want to enjoy summer, too, which means you don’t want to be stuck in the (hot) kitchen, figuring out what to prepare. Start the week off with a plan for each day’s meals (and snacks) and have all the ingredients on hand. Use the local veggies growing now and keep it all simple- salads of all kinds, a quick stir-fry over rice, pizza on the grill, popcorn and fresh fruit for snacks or dessert.

An outing or two will do. Summer offers so many fun and exciting adventures, and sometimes it’s hard to pass up on any of it. But remember that one of the true joys of childhood is unstructured, uninterrupted playtime. Kids don’t actually require a lot of organized educational activities; they just need time to be kids! Protect that time by registering them for only a couple of programs or camps (or just what is necessary to fit your work schedule). Keep the rest of the time wide open for their own adventures.

Be in nature together. Its fun to get outside to play and soak up the sun, but summer also affords the opportunity to really connect with the season and with nature all around us. Try to choose a time each day, or a day each week (or even each month) to tune-in to plants and animals and environments. Explore hiking trails near your home, go bird-watching in a local park, paddle a canoe, go camping in the woods- this time in nature is restorative for all of us.

And remember, if you’re ever feeling overwhelmed, revisit your daily rhythm and spend some time thinking about how you wish the days were flowing. Looking at all the parts of the day brings everything into perspective. Notice where you’re actually doing okay, and where you really do need to make some changes. Go ahead and make the changes that help your family, because summertime (like childhood) is passing by so quickly.

Simple Summer::Welcome

If there’s one thing that I’ve come to see, it’s how quickly the days pass by me.

To imagine that my oldest will soon be five, and my baby is almost three!

Summer days, so long and sweet, I want to savor every one.

For I know that I will soon look back, and miss them like the sun.

In the spirit of savoring all of summer’s goodness, I am creating a new weekly series on my blog! Each Friday morning, I will meet you here with words, images or other bits of inspiration for slowing down and making time for the simple joys of the season. 

Throughout the summer, I encourage you to add your own reflections and share suggestions for easy family-centered activities in the comments section or on Facebook.  Together, we will create a beautiful collection of summer musings!

Let's begin, shall we?  Jot down your own ode to summer.  Quick and dirty; short and sweet, it doesn't have to be fancy, or rhyme-y (unless you want it to be!).  Write a few simple lines about what you love most about this season of sun.  If you're feeling brave, share your thoughts in the comments below!

Warmly,

Allison