This is (my) kindergarten readiness

Last night, I attended a discussion about alternative education, and heard some amazing stories about child-directed learning models.  I shared an overview of Waldorf education, something I've had a personal interest in for a couple of years.  I felt such a connection to the mothers in attendance- who are all following different educational paths, and at the core all want the best, most inspiring, most holistic educational experience for their children.  For me, the night's discussion shed new light on a recent experience of one-on-one time with my daughter...

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My husband and I embarked on a little experiment-adventure last weekend. We each invited one child to come along with us to spend a night away and visit family and friends. We spend most weekends together as a family. Or, the kids spend a few hours with Mike, while I enjoy some time by myself. But very rarely are our girls apart for any length of time.

I must admit that I had mixed feelings when it actually came time to drive away with only one daughter. But our youngest happily bounded into my husband’s office, ready for her own weekend adventure. It only got better from there…

During our car ride, I immediately noticed how different the conversation was. Just the two of us. I got to hear all of Emma’s thoughts on what we should do this weekend and where we should stop for dinner. I also got to hear about the best- and hardest- parts of being 5. I could really see how deep Emma’s love for her family goes, and how her family is never far from her thoughts. Each time we chatted, I saw Emma and heard Emma, as an individual.

In September, Emma will start Kindergarten. I have already spent countless hours weighing all of the educational options and even imagining what our days would be like if we were to homeschool. So much of my motivation has come from fear. At the heart, my fear is that Emma will be absorbed into a system that doesn’t honor the individual. My fear is that no one will be able to see her and hear her as I do.

Truth. No one will ever be able to see her and hear her as I do.

A few months ago, I let go of the fear around this next phase of our life. Instead, I have embraced complete trust in my family. It is here that we honor (no, celebrate!) each individual. It is here that plenty of room exists to make mistakes and experience deep and unconditional love. It will always be here that we learn together and explore the world around us. It will always be here that every person is seen and heard.

Truth. Systems that do not honor individuals are not sustainable.

I let go of fear and embrace this opportunity to be in community, forming connections around the growth of our children. What gifts can we share? What dialogue can we have? How do we show up for all of the children in our community?

I do not know what this path will look like. I have distant memories of my own road, and I have heard others’ stories. Some of them fill me with fear and others with joy. But this will be Emma’s own journey. At the end of the day, I trust in my family. I know we will walk alongside her, we will listen to her and we will continue to follow our hearts and our intuition as we venture further into the world together. This is what (my) kindergarten readiness looks like. This is my commitment.

As you navigate your own educational path with your children, there may be times that you feel pressure or feel lost and conflicted (even in the preschool years!)  Whenever you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, stressed, worried or disenchanted by our culture’s focus on quantitative measurements of young children’s skills, readiness and knowledge, then please read this article by Alicia of A Magical Childhood, What should a four year old know?  It's one of my favorites.

Parenting Simply::Love Lessons

I'm very happy to return to Kidoinfo!  Anisa Raoof has created an amazing guide to connect Rhode Island families around the things they care about- family fun, creativity, education and simple pleasures. I'm honored to contribute with the "Parenting Simply" series.

I’ve been noticing how children make holidays come to life. They love to prepare for something special, to create a celebration. When it comes to holidays, my children do bring out the best in me. I enjoy reaching back into my memory for stories and traditions to share, and designing the rituals that will become our own family’s traditions.

Valentine’s Day has never been a big deal to me. Maybe a little cynical, I’m sure I’ve rolled my eyes about this greeting card holiday. But now I’m actually having fun talking to my daughters about love—their love for each other and for their family and friends. We’re busy making pictures and valentines that express the way we feel about the special people in our lives. Perhaps this holiday can serve as a reminder that we do need to express ourselves and share what’s in our hearts more often...read more.

Oh, Connecticut. So much pain.

I write this morning, because the words are swirling and it’s all I can do to move through these feelings. I’m listening to my daughters play downstairs, a make believe city sprawled in my living room, where little doctors and teachers are eating meals and going to work and living lovely little imaginary lives.
As it should be.

I’m questioning our society. I’m wondering when we will acknowledge that we are off course. That there is too much sadness, too much violence, too much separation from what is truly meaningful about our precious time here on earth.

I’m embracing the feminine this morning. Strong intuition that tells me it is time for mothers to rise up, to speak about love, tenderness, connection and healing. This conversation should not (only) be about gun control and video games and violence and fear. There are certainly places for those conversations. But mothers understand that there is a larger hole in our collective heart.

 Why are young men (in inner cities and affluent towns) so lost?

 How can families and communities wrap their arms around their young men?

 Can we have conversations steeped in love, and not in fear?

 Will those whose children are grown, share their wisdom, be mentors to parents and children?

 Can we turn to our neighbors and rebuild something that has been lost, one connection at a time?

 How do we honor the work of parenting and create spaces for parents to share and learn and heal?

There is one thought that my mind keeps returning to. It is painful, and perhaps I’d rather ignore it, but I choose not to. I ask myself what I would regret if my own family life were shattered yesterday.

Witnessing tragedy brings all that I value and hold dear into crystal clear focus. I want to hold onto this awareness in the coming year. To see my children as innocent and precious each day of their lives. And when it is hard to remember, many months from now, when I am tired or frustrated or angry, I want to lean into love. Love softens frustrations, love reminds us to speak with kindness and respect, love listens intently and love teaches and guides our souls.

I will continue to sit with these feelings through the coming days. Beautiful ways to show our support for Sandy Hook Elementary School may present themselves soon. But for now, I will allow this message of Love to permeate my heart and my home. I believe it is the best way to honor the families who lost their babies yesterday.

Parenting Simply: Starting the Conversation

I’ve been thinking a lot about new beginnings lately. Maybe it’s all of the change that Fall brings, or the way the cooler, darker weather invites introspection, but I’ve been thinking about what families need in order to have a fresh start.

Whenever I bring together a new Simplicity Parenting Group as I did recently at Meadowbrook Waldorf School, the first conversation we have is always about Values. I ask the group to fast forward ten or twenty years and picture their children grown. You can try this, too…jump over to Kidoinfo for more.

Change is in the air

Image from Photobucket

I love the feeling of Autumn.  The feeling that anything is possible blows through my home with every crisp breeze.  A few leaves have already started to let go of the trees, and I know in my bones that transformation is just around the corner.

I used to fear change.  I used to experience change as something that was happening to me, and I was terribly uncomfortable with that loss of control. 

But then there were times as I got older, and especially once I became a parent, where I found myself craving change.  I started to learn how to make change happen to benefit myself and my family.  I became a change maker! 

The secret is to start small and keep moving. 

It's helpful to have a vision of where you want to go, what you want things to look like.  But it's important to dial back from there.  What is the first small change that will start moving your family toward that goal?  Try one little change out for a while.  See how it goes.  Celebrate when it works.  When it doesn't, investigate it and figure out why.  Try something else instead.   

Nature makes no time for clinging or resisting change.  We are moving around the Sun.  Just as those leaves will surely change color and let go, so too will you let go of the things that aren't working for your family.  Unsatisfied with the way siblings are interacting with eachother?  Wishing you all had more time together?  Now is your time to be a change maker.

Start small.

Keep moving.

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I'm excited to announce that my next Simplicity Parenting Course starts October 2!  Held at the beautiful Meadowbrook Waldorf School in West Kingston, Rhode Island this program is open to the public.  We will meet Tuesday mornings for 7 weeks to explore Kim John Payne's book and MAKE REAL CHANGES AT HOME.  I will show you the way to simple pleasures, deeper family connections and more fun!  Check out the details on My Programs Page.

Declaring Independence

Driving to New York today for the holiday, I was lucky to catch a reading of the Declaration of Independence on the radio. I couldn’t help but wonder what our founding fathers would think if they lived in our society today. What would they think of our current pursuits of happiness? Would they find it strange that we spend a great deal of time outside of our homes, working tirelessly and stressing about how to balance work and home life? Would they disagree with the tremendous power that Corporate America wields over the citizens?

I am reminded of a terrific commentary in my current summer read, Shannon Hayes’ Radical Homemakers. In it, she notes that it was not only the founding fathers who declared independence from Britain’s rule. It was families, too. Each deciding what they valued, what they believed in, what they wanted for the future, and making decisions to live by those convictions- boycotting British imports, refusing to serve British tea.

I love that Shannon Hayes pointed out this detail because it really humanizes the uprising afoot. I like to imagine the conversations between spouses at that time in history, and the choices that women made as they purchased goods and provided for their families.

On this Independence Day, I like to consider the purchases I make and the business owners I support as I provide for my family. What do my choices say about my values? What do I want for my community and the future? Where can I make changes to bring those aspects of my life more in-line? I am inspired by the bravery and conviction of those who have come before.  Happy 4th!
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** For those who of you who are local, I will be hosting a Summer Book Discussion of Shannon Hayes' book Radical Homemakers on August 1 from 7:00-9:00 pm at the Cross' Mills Public Library in Charlestown, RI.  Please pick up a copy of this inspiring book today and join us for a lively conversation! **

Did you hear? It's the Summer of Love!

We are in an interesting phase of family life right now. Lest my blog readers think that everything is smiles and matching dresses over here, I wanted to share a glimpse into another corner of our daily life--- power struggles.

My daughters are 4 and nearly 3, and it feels as though we are in the thick of a new phase in which both girls test authority on a regular basis. It sort of crept up on us. Seemingly overnight, our easy-going 2 year old nudged closer to 3, and developed some very strong opinions of her own. Mix in the strong will of her older sister, and you’ve got the makings of some intense days!

But I have decided to take a huge step away from all of the intensity, to observe what is actually happening and to think clearly about what is needed right now. Some basic truths:

• Children test authority. They have different personalities and temperaments, but each in their own way, they need to push against a boundary to see that it exists and to see where they stand.
• Parents need not let this testing ruffle their feathers. Getting a rise out of a big grown-up must pique the curiosity of a little kid (or teen!) who usually doesn’t wield much power in her world.
• As parents, our challenge isn’t to “win” the power play; it’s to tactfully use our authority to guide these children toward self-control and acceptable behavior.
• A clear vision of what we want, plainly expressed will guide their wayward ships toward shore. No yelling, threats or bribery needed here. Simply an adult clearly paying attention and clearly in charge. An adult worthy of imitation.

Easier said than done? Perhaps! But it is the challenge before us, whether we feel ready for it, or not. There is no changing child development, and it does no good to resist or retreat back into old-school discipline methods.

In my house, I am declaring this the Summer of Love. It’s a little reminder that our children’s needs come first. As we navigate this awkward, testy phase I’m prepared to stick close to home, minimize activities, follow a pretty firm daily rhythm, and stop whatever I’m doing when my children’s behavior tells me they’re off-course (I know, this part doesn’t sound like a lot of fun…but it actually IS full of play and stories and hanging out together and it really is quite nice).

But the greatest thing about the Summer of Love is that it’s also a time to give some extra lovin’ to these kids of ours, no matter what else is going on in our lives. We’ll be carving out one-on-one time with me or Mike. We’ll be remembering that humor and good music are always waiting in the wings to cheer people up. And we’ll always, always be showing our children that our love and affection are unconditional. Freely flowing and totally groovy! 

What would we do without TV?

I get the draw of television…I really do. I’m a stay-at-home mom, also trying to work from home a few hours each day. I’ve turned on the television so that I could squeak out another half hour on the computer, or so that I could get dinner started in peace. I get it!

The purpose of Screen-Free Week is not to burden families or to cause mayhem at home…quite the opposite, really. The purpose is to spend a week tuned-in to family life, to do just a little more connecting than you may normally do when the screens are lit up.

One of my biggest complaints about television is that it displaces moments of engagement. Couples could be engaged in conversation, children engaged in art or dramatic play, families engaged in hobbies or other pastimes. During Screen-Free Week, we are going to take those moments back!

Now this is the fun part! Make a long list of all of the wonderful screen-free activities your family might enjoy. Evening strolls, picnic in the park, dance parties, family game night… write down whatever comes to mind. Be sure to include the experiment you’ve been meaning to show the kids, and the long-lost hobby you say you never have time for. With a little bit of planning and perhaps some voting at a family meeting, this list will keep you going screen-free all week long!  And who knows? By the end of the week, your family may end up wondering how you ever had time for TV!

Need a kickstart? Here are some of my favorite activity lists!

Creative Kickstarters for Families from Mamascout


More Things To Do Instead Of Turning On The TV from Childhood 101


10 Ways to Make Today Magical from A Magical Childhood


120+ Activities for Ages 1-4 from Play, Create, Explore


 50 Things to do before you’re 11 ¾ from the UK National Trust

Screen-Free Week begins April 30th!  Will you pull the plug?

Pulling the Plug: One Family's Story

Perhaps you have already heard a lot of the reports urging parents to limit their children’s screen time. If you haven’t, I will share some highlights at the bottom of this post. But first, I thought you might enjoy a look at one family’s screen story: my own.

We are a fairly typical American family in that we do have a television in our living room. My husband and I have long enjoyed curling up on the couch and watching a good movie. We’ve been known to tune-in weekly to an entertaining series, and for a while, our children watched about an hour of television each day.

Here are some of my personal observations about kids and screens:

• First thing in the morning, plugging into a show does not satisfy a child the way that cuddling, reading or playing with a parent does. No, not even Elmo can hold a candle to playing trains with Daddy before he gets ready for work!
•  Fast-paced television shows and cartoon characters are overwhelming to young children. After all the stimulation, it’s very hard for little ones to transition to another calmer activity.
• Children’s play is more original and imaginative when it’s not influenced by the characters and story lines of television shows.
• There is an addictive quality to children's programming, especially for little ones who want to stay with these "friends" and have the television experience to continue.
• Even when you avoid commercial television, the characters from children’s shows appear everywhere- on groceries, toys, games and clothes- and even the most passive television observers seem to pick up the marketers’ trail of crumbs.

So what’s a parent to do?

In our house, we decided to pull the plug on children’s television. Immediately, my daughters were more alert and vibrant, transitions between activities improved, and the whole family gained more time for each other. Within two days, the requests to watch a show quieted considerably, and imaginative play began to return to normal- full of fantasy and originality.

With Screen Free Week approaching, take some time today to make observations in your own home. What affect do you think television is having on your children?  Do you notice changes in play and energy and moods?  What would family life look like without screen time?

For some additional perspectives, I leave you with a few facts, figures and quotes from leading child advocates:

[Pediatricians should] discourage television viewing for children younger than 2 years, and encourage more interactive activities that will promote proper brain development, such as talking, playing, singing, and reading together.- American Academy of Pediatrics

Limit children's total media time (with entertainment media) to no more than 1 to 2 hours of quality programming per day.- American Academy of Pediatrics

Companies spend about $17 billion annually marketing to children, a staggering increase from the $100 million spent in 1983.- Factsheet, Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood

Television is a direct counter-force to simplifying, and it's stronger than the mightiest parent armed with good intentions. Television runs on commercials, the siren song of "stuff." An altar of commercialism, it is your home's most efficient conduit of clutter. -  Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne

Children today have less time for outdoor play than any previous generation, in part because they spend an average of seven and a half each day in front of a television, computer screen or playing video games. Screen-Free week is a great reminder that good old fashioned play is not only fun, but important for our children’s overall health and well-being. See what happens when the prepackaged entertainment stops and your brains can wander wherever they may.- Darell Hammond, Founder and CEO, KaBOOM!

Screen Free Weeks begins April 30th. I hope you will consider pulling the plug, too!

Lessons from the morning news

The countdown to Screen-Free Week continues! 

Today, I'm over at Kidoinfo sharing my impressions of the morning news.  Come on over and say hello!

Be sure to check back here tomorrow for more tips and tools to help you prepare for screen-free success next week.

Getting Ready to Unplug

My family will be going Screen-Free from April 30-May 6 and we want you to join us!

What is Screen Free Week?

Screen-Free Week is a national celebration where children, families, schools and communities spend seven days turning off entertainment screen media and turning on life. It’s a time to unplug and play, read, daydream, create, explore and spend time with family and friends.

– Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood

Most of us grew up with televisions in our homes and their presence in our living rooms feels completely normal. But times have certainly changed since we were young, and children’s media usage is at an all-time high.  According to The Nielsen Company’s research, the average preschooler spends 32 hours in front of screens each week.

The number sounds astonishing, but let’s imagine what it might actually look like in our own homes. We’re talking about an average of 4 ½ hours each day. Maybe the average family turns on 2 shows in the morning as everyone is just waking up. Then they go about their day. Perhaps they turn on the television again in the afternoon, say another 2 shows after nap. Maybe there is 1 more show or a game while parents are making dinner. Before you know it, your preschooler has watched 32 hours of television throughout the week- the equivalent of a part-time job.

But I think preschoolers have a much more important job to do-- that of being a child.  Of playing, running, climbing, imagining and adventuring.  Of hearing stories read aloud and painting pictures.  Of helping in the kitchen or outside in a garden.  Of feeling loved and important, connected with no distractions.

Whether your kids are racking up the hours, or not even close to average, Screen Free Week gives us all a chance to look at our own families and our own viewing habits.

So just for fun today, count ‘em up! How many hours are your children entertained by something on a screen each day? How many hours do you spend in front of a screen? Write it down, notice the patterns and the times of day you use screens the most. Then tally it up for the week. How do you feel about the number? Do you think you could swap an hour or two for a different kind of family connection?

I’ll be back in this space throughout the days leading up to Screen Free Week, with more about my own family’s media experiment and tips to help you embrace seven days, unplugged! Stay tuned…

My work: defined

In my Simplicity Parenting group, a mom recently talked about the fierce competition she felt from other moms from the time her child was a baby. How worried and alone she felt, when she really just needed friendship.

I’ve thought a lot about her words and about my own experiences as a mother. There have been times when I’ve noticed the dance that women do. We don’t often talk about it, but we do have a way of sizing each other up, don’t we? We want to impress each other with our cooking and our tidiness and our well-behaved children. We want to show our children thriving in their _______ (art classes; baseball teams; Waldorf-inspired homes!). But I think there is a fine line between putting our best feet forward and making ourselves feel better about our own choices. There is a fine line between living intentionally and trying to be perfect. So many women are hurt by these interactions, and left feeling alone, inferior and not good enough.

It seems to me, that on some level, we’re all seeking approval. But what if we acknowledge that it’s not approval that we need, but love and encouragement and support?

Isn’t that what lies at the heart of it all? Parents need love and encouragement and support.

We find ourselves at the helm, responsible for the health and safety, growth and development of these little human beings. They are completely dependent upon us. It’s natural that we would worry and research and question. But at the end of the day, we just want someone to say “It will all be okay. Follow your heart.”

I am a Simplicity Parenting Group Leader because that is what I want to tell you.

I believe in you and trust your parenting choices. You decide everything about diapering, discipline and desserts, based on what works best for your family. To me, the most important thing is whether you’re able to follow your heart.

Are you in tune with your heart? Can you clear away the _______ (experts; advertisers; noise; fast-pace; guilt; peer pressure) enough to listen to your own heart? Do your parenting choices reflect your family’s values? Are you parenting from a place that feels authentic and fills you with joy?

I am a Simplicity Parenting Group Leader because as much as I believe that our hearts will guide us, I know that parents need help getting some of the physical and emotional “stuff” out of the way. I know that parenting doesn’t always feel intuitive, and we can get stuck in between our vision of our family life and the reality of the moment.

I am a Simplicity Parenting Group Leader because I believe in empowering parents. You ARE at the helm, responsible for the health and safety, growth and development of these little human beings. From where you are, it is entirely within your power to make changes that bring family life in line with all of the values, hopes and dreams you carry in your heart.

My workshops
In my workshops, we start small.  Following Kim John Payne's book, Simplicity Parenting, we explore the four realms of simplifying:

• Environment- decluttering, opening up space at home for deeper play and family fun
• Rhythm- increasing predictability, adding more connection and calm
• Schedules- slowing down, finding moments of just "Being" amid all the "Doing"
• Unplugging- reducing the influence of the adult world, tuning-in to family

You will make one small do-able change at a time. We will celebrate successes and expose failures- deconstructing them, reshaping them, trying again. We build trust and create a space where you can open yourself up and let go of worry, or the need to impress, or the pressures of the day. Group members connect over the fun- and the ugly- parts of parenting. We practice leaving judgment at the door, listening fully, finding solutions… real parenting skills.

We begin to see that anything is possible. Even in this day and age, with the constant barrage of information, opportunities, activities, it IS possible to slow down and connect more deeply with your loved ones. Each and every day, you can experience more joy, more fun, and more peace in your home. Each and every day, you can add more meaning to family life. One little change at a time, your vision becomes your reality.

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** My next Simplicity Parenting 7-Week Course will be offered to parents of the Meadowbrook Waldorf School in West Kingston, RI. We will meet Wednesday mornings 9:30 - 11:30, from April 4 to May 23. There are 10 spaces available for this program.  Please visit My Programs to learn more and to register. **

The Gift of Simplicity

I am deeply honored to share my words in the new Winter Edition of the Rhythm of the Home online magazine!  If you have never visited this beautiful, inspirational corner of the web, I invite you to brew a cup of tea and settle in for awhile.  So much awaits you there!

And, A Simple Holiday is just 3 days away!  I will be at Bellani Maternity to share ideas for staying connected to our values and making more time for magical moments this holiday season.  If you're local, I'd love to see you!

Be the Change: The Sweater Story

It seems amazing, yet true- the more you talk about what really matters to you, the more honest you are, the more you speak from your heart, the more life seems to give you just what you need…

My husband and I were having an interesting conversation recently, about how we want to be remembered. Not really how we want to be remembered at the end of our lives, but how we want our children to remember this time in theirs. When they are grown and looking back on their childhoods, what will they say about our family life?

One thing we realized is that we’d love to be remembered for being caring and compassionate, and for doing good deeds for others. Yes, we strive for this within our family unit, but we are imagining bigger. We would like our girls to know their place within a larger community, and we’d like them to understand the immense value of offering kindness to others within that community. But most importantly, we really want them to just learn that from watching us. If good deeds and thoughtful gestures are a part of life around here, then hopefully they will be part of who our girls become.

So, we enjoyed our late night, feel-good conversation and it left us feeling like it’s never too early to think of little ways kids can help with good deeds. Then, the very next day, my husband took the girls for a walk around the block while I finished dinner. One of our neighbors opened her door to call to them, because she had a gift for the children.

Now, we don’t know our neighbor very well. She lives alone, she lost her mother earlier this year, and we don’t see her outside too often. If we ever do, we stop to say hello and chit chat for a minute, but that’s the extent of our relationship. So it was surprising that she gave each girl a beautiful hand-knit sweater, with lovely details and the sweetest little heart buttons!

My husband was touched, and with our recent conversation still ringing in his ears, he immediately invited her to come over for dinner next week. And needless to say, she loved that idea. It was that simple! I think community and connection are always just outside the door, waiting for us to open it. 

The Joy Jar

Living a slow lifestyle with two toddlers means that we stick pretty close to home most days. Our days sort of revolve around the happenings of the household, and the girls are part of it- helping with some chores, making our meals together, raking the leaves. They come in and out of these activities, as they come in and out of play.

Keeping things simple like this also means that we have plenty of downtime (a real luxury nowadays). I feel grateful for this time with the girls-- because these are the special moments of their childhood! And I want their memories of this time to be filled with JOY.

So, with that in mind, I decided to jot down all of our favorite (easy) things to do on little slips of paper.

• Have a tea party

• Build a fort

• Set sail on a pirate ship

• Pop some popcorn

Then, we folded them up, tucked them into a jar, added some glitter- and now we've got a Joy Jar!   We can pull from the jar whenever we need a fresh idea.  If we need a little inspiration on a rainy afternoon, or if I need a really quick way to divert a toddler showdown, the Joy Jar is waiting for us, bursting with ideas we all love.

I added a few ideas to bring more compassion and kindness into the fun of our days.

• Bake muffins for a neighbor

• Draw a picture for someone far away

• List all the things you love about _______ (pick a family member)

What would you put in your Joy Jar?

For more inspiration, check out the sweet ideas over at A Magical Childhood or Play Create Explore . There's so much fun happening out there!

Dreams of Childhood

Running free through a meadow, summer sunshine all around
Swinging higher and higher, like birds about to take flight
Laughter
Footsie pajamas and favorite blankets, warm and cozy
Crunching leaves in fall
Splashing in puddles, sledding down hills
Freedom
Fantasy
Compassion
Curiosity
Every cell of their beings knowing what it is to be awash in love
These are my dreams of childhood.

Fisherville Brook Wildlife Refuge

My dreams are a beautiful mix of my own childhood memories and those things I value the most.  When I'm feeling unsure, they are my compass.  On my happiest days, I see those dreams lived fully.

Tribe

This past weekend, I visited my grandma. I love sitting at her table, sipping iced tea and talking about anything and everything. This time we chatted about what it’s like raising kids today. She balked at how moms schedule “playdates” today, and wondered whatever happened to…playing! To open the door, and let your kids run out into the sunshine. She sweetly reminisced about my uncle playing with a couple of trucks in a patch of dirt under her maple tree. Content, in a world of roads and ramps of his own making, he played that way until she called him in for lunch.

There’s something idyllic about the freedom children used to have to just play—my mom playing “cowboys” with all the neighborhood kids, or my brother and I running through the woods all day. But in talking to my grandma, I was also hearing that it was, well…easier. As a mother, she didn’t have all of the worries that we seem to have today. She knew her neighbors, they all looked out for each other, while the kids explored their world and learned about life through their play. Gram had a tribe. She was part of a community of women who shared the workload of caring for their families. And sure, times really were tough, many things were harder then, but within that tribe, the women just kept things moving forward.

We talked a bit about what has changed, and why things seem so different now. We came up with lots of theories. But we both agreed on one thing- a lot of women today don’t have that support system. Moms need a tribe. Many of us have to work to find our tribe, to build that community around ourselves, to get comfortable sharing the workload with other moms. It’s not always easy to ask for help—aren’t we supposed to be able to do it all?

The conversation with my grandma reminded me of a great interview I recently heard with feminist Germaine Greer. When asked what she thinks the biggest feminist issue of our time is, she said that on every street, in every home, women are doing the exact same thing, facing the exact same challenges- but they are each doing it alone, and they are all getting tired. Women need to be supporting one another. Yes!

Now I'm imagining Germaine Greer sitting down to lunch at gram’s…

If you want to hear the interview, you can find it here. It aired July 5, 2011.

Why Simplify?

With too much “stuff” piled on our shelves, written on our calendars and whirling through our minds, life can start to feel complicated. Suddenly there is much to worry about, and hardly any time for anything. And then I start to notice—more fighting, more crying, more tension in the house— and I understand deeply that we’re sliding off track. In those moments, I know that it’s time to make some changes.

It’s time to simplify.

At the end of the day, I am seeking a peaceful life. I want to create a peaceful life for my family. I want a home that welcomes us and shelters us from the craziness and busyness of the outside world. I want to notice nature’s changes and cycles and feel my connection to them, to know my place in the universe. I want our time to be for the pure joys of living and playing and exploring. And when there is conflict (and there will be conflict) I want us to know how to find calm and compassion so they may guide us back to each other.

I do believe that when we strip away all of the excess- thoughts, commitments, toys, noise, stress- we discover that what we are seeking has been here all along- the comfortable home, the connection with nature, time to enjoy life, calmness and compassion. Yes, the peaceful life is already here, underneath all of the “stuff” that gets in the way. So let’s clear it all away (and learn to keep it away!) so each day can be an expression of our family’s true purpose.

Preparing: Part 2 (Reflections)

Prior to having children, my husband and I talked of many aspects of starting a family, but we never thought to discuss the way in which our little family would navigate the larger world. Or even, how our home would provide peace and shelter away from life’s fast pace. At that time, we were still moving at such a fast pace...we couldn’t have known the questions to contemplate.


While pregnant for the first time, I was blessed to have discovered beautiful writings on mindfulness that opened my heart to a new understanding of parenting. I have carried with me an understanding that these days are fleeting and the ordinary moments, magical. Even so, as I think back to my daughter’s earliest years, I remember feeling pulled in two directions- a foot in my old life, still working outside the home, still moving fast, and the other foot searching for a soft place to rest with my baby.

It wasn’t until my second daughter was born, and I actually left my career behind, that I could find the softness I had been longing for. It was then that I read Kim John Payne’s book, Simplicity Parenting, and uncovered a truth deep inside myself. His words brought my own beliefs about the innocence of childhood clearly into focus, and I began to see myself differently, and to understand my purpose more deeply. A mother was more fully emerging.

Today, my husband and I talk regularly about the outside influences that impact our family life. As we organize our home, build friendships with other families, volunteer in the community, and otherwise venture beyond our little nucleus, we are continually looking at the changes that each decision brings. Most importantly, we’re becoming able to make adjustments when we notice that the pace or quality of our time together has been affected by something we have done. As confidence in our parenting grows, we find it is becoming easier to define the type of childhood we want to provide for our daughters, and to use our words and actions to establish boundaries which protect that precious time.

Secrets of Adulthood

I recently read a charming book, The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. The author dedicates one year to learning as much as she can about what makes people happy, with the hope that she’ll uncover some tricks to increasing her own happiness.

Before she embarks on the project, the author creates a list of lessons she’s learned over the years, which she calls her “Secrets of Adulthood.” It’s a clever little list, and it got me thinking….what have I learned so far? I came up with ten things:

1. Moms set the stage for family life. We create a space, set a mood and provide a rhythm within which the family thrives. (For me, this no longer feels like pressure, it’s starting to feel like a very special privilege).

2. Getting organized actually creates space in my mind (and my house) for creativity and spontaneity.

3. I feel better when I drink water throughout the day. And when I stay away from sugar.

4. Reading aloud is more fun when I pay attention to the words.

5. On a tough day, my body will tell me when its time to breathe.

6. My children are right- there are very few good reasons to stop playing.

7. Fresh air can fix anything.

8. My journey is all my own. It’s okay to make mistakes, because I’m learning as I go.

9. Each of my children is on a journey of their very own, too. They came from my body, but they aren’t extensions of me, and I can’t control them. The best I can do is to stay present for them, and set a good example of how to live peacefully in the world.

10. Green grass is a state of mind. I’m going to trust that I am exactly where I am supposed to be, doing what I was meant to do. I already have everything that I need to be happy.

Maybe I’ll think of a few more to add. It’s a work in progress…just like me.