Grounded::Quiet

When I was a kid, I loved to go sledding. Naturally, I'd get tired from pulling my sled back up the hill each time, and my feet would feel so heavy in the snow. Sometimes I'd take a little break. I'd lay down at the bottom of the hill to rest. I can remember everything about how it felt to burrow into the snow for a while, looking up through the treetops at the sky. I knew the snow was cold, but I was warm inside my snowsuit. I'd sink down into the ground and experience the quiet.

There is nothing like the quiet of winter, especially when the snow is falling. The air changes. Something calls the animals to retreat and rest. Peace settles like snowflakes.

Most years I actually move in the opposite direction. I usually fill a new year with goals and intentions before it even starts. Not this time. Now, I’m choosing to move very slowly. I’m trying not to look at what is ahead of me, and just burrow in and be grounded right where I am.

It is not easy!

I’m a person who spends a lot of time in the future, surrounded by images of all the great possibilities, planning and mapping a course. And as life carries my family along, I’m someone who gets thrown when things don’t look exactly as I expected them to. So, I respond to life with new plans and more maps. I want to control every possible outcome.

What I’m finally willing to admit is that living life this way just isn’t fulfilling. And when I acknowledge that I’m unfulfilled, when I say that I am capable of much more happiness, and that I want to feel lighter and freer, it actually scares the shit out of me. I go running to the plan book, because surely I can download some sort of solution to this problem.

I should work more. Or less.

I should sing more to the girls.

I should eat less sugar.

I should say grace.

I should

I should

I should

No. Not this time.

There is nothing like the quiet of winter, especially when the snow is falling. The air changes. Something calls the animals to retreat and rest. Peace settles like snowflakes.

This time I will take a little break. I will lay down at the bottom of the hill to rest.  This time I will let the answers find me. I will be waiting right here, in this moment.


 

I see you.

A few days ago, I turned 36.  There were balloons and cake and lovely gifts the night before.  My daughters love any reason to party (and eat cake!) so we all had a lot of fun.

But I'm not going to sugar coat it, or tie it up in a neat little package, it was a weird day. 

Plans for a simple outing with the kids fell through and I ended up feeling incredibly....angry.

Like "storming-around-the-house-throwing-toys-and-yelling" kind of angry.  This happens to people sometimes, and maybe you've been there.  Out of your sensible mind, giving into powerful emotions instead of trying to process them in a healthy way.  Such a strange -and secretive- part of human behavior.

I'm sharing this with you because there are incredible gifts hidden in those shameful, sad, embarrasing parts of our lives.  The real gift of my thirty-sixth birthday was that I saw myself there, in the middle of an ordinary day, totally losing it.  I saw myself tired, and cooped up, and lonely and frustrated.  I saw myself on the other side of a move to a new state, renting my house, creating a new home, traveling for the holidays and staring at a new year in a new place.

And the only thing I allowed myself to feel was compassion.

Not shame.  Not disappointment.  Not regret. 

This was my birthday gift. 

My silly actions, my soul fever, was the only way I could get myself to pay attention.  I was ignoring every other sign of discomfort- tired body, dark circles, even physical pain- and it was time to wake up!

We are settled into Connecticut, and it is definitely time for some exquisite self-care, for the things that make me happy and truly feed my soul - a walk outside each day, a weekly yoga class, time to write in my journal, a massage, a new haircut, a relaxing bedtime ritual.  It is time to turn some of the attention onto myself, to care for myself a little more. 

And, I'm caring for you a little more today, too.  The next time that you find yourself feeling tense or tight or frustrated or downright angry, remember my birthday gift.  Let go of all the judgment.  Wrap your arms around yourself like you would your children.  I see you.  I know that you are doing the very best that you can.  

Reach out and touch

I was out in the world yesterday with my two daughters.  I was not the only one feeling so very aware of all the light and life and beauty they carry with them wherever they go.  As Emma and Sophia chatted her ear off, an older woman in the card store reached out her hands and cradled Sophia's face, she ran her hand over the top of Emma's little head and then she squeezed my arm as she told me how beautiful they are. 

We are all grieving.  But we are also reaching out, to acknowledge that we are still here and that we are not alone and that we possess deep wells of love and compassion from which we can touch another's heart.  So much inspiration is found in Connecticut communities and around the world.  Whether a quiet, solitary gesture or a heartfelt family project, I do hope that you find your way to something that helps you move from heartache into sweet, beautiful, healing connection.

• I found this excellent list of ways to send your condolences and support the organizations that are bringing grief counseling and comfort to the Newtown community.
• The Sandy Hook PTA will be creating a winter wonderland at the children's new school in nearby Monroe.  On their behalf, the Connecticut PTSA is organizing Snowflakes for Sandy Hook. 
• Many communities across the country are organizing teddy bear drives, backpack drives and collecting art supplies and healing books for children and their parents.  If you have gifts to share, you can email newtownboe@gmail.com to make arrangements for your donations.

Thank you to Eileen Straiton and Little Acorn Learning for inspiring us all to reach out and touch.  She is collecting stories of light and hope on her blog.  Please share yours, so that we may continually remind ourselves and our children that there is tremendous good in this world.

xo,

Allison



 

Oh, Connecticut. So much pain.

I write this morning, because the words are swirling and it’s all I can do to move through these feelings. I’m listening to my daughters play downstairs, a make believe city sprawled in my living room, where little doctors and teachers are eating meals and going to work and living lovely little imaginary lives.
As it should be.

I’m questioning our society. I’m wondering when we will acknowledge that we are off course. That there is too much sadness, too much violence, too much separation from what is truly meaningful about our precious time here on earth.

I’m embracing the feminine this morning. Strong intuition that tells me it is time for mothers to rise up, to speak about love, tenderness, connection and healing. This conversation should not (only) be about gun control and video games and violence and fear. There are certainly places for those conversations. But mothers understand that there is a larger hole in our collective heart.

 Why are young men (in inner cities and affluent towns) so lost?

 How can families and communities wrap their arms around their young men?

 Can we have conversations steeped in love, and not in fear?

 Will those whose children are grown, share their wisdom, be mentors to parents and children?

 Can we turn to our neighbors and rebuild something that has been lost, one connection at a time?

 How do we honor the work of parenting and create spaces for parents to share and learn and heal?

There is one thought that my mind keeps returning to. It is painful, and perhaps I’d rather ignore it, but I choose not to. I ask myself what I would regret if my own family life were shattered yesterday.

Witnessing tragedy brings all that I value and hold dear into crystal clear focus. I want to hold onto this awareness in the coming year. To see my children as innocent and precious each day of their lives. And when it is hard to remember, many months from now, when I am tired or frustrated or angry, I want to lean into love. Love softens frustrations, love reminds us to speak with kindness and respect, love listens intently and love teaches and guides our souls.

I will continue to sit with these feelings through the coming days. Beautiful ways to show our support for Sandy Hook Elementary School may present themselves soon. But for now, I will allow this message of Love to permeate my heart and my home. I believe it is the best way to honor the families who lost their babies yesterday.

Hello there.

My, it has been awhile since we visited here.  Just about a month!  A huge month of packing up our home in Providence, setting up and settling into our new home in Connecticut and slowly venturing out to explore and play and savor the holiday goodness around us.

There are a few boxes left to unpack, but we are definitely moved in and feeling very much at home here.  And lately, I've been hearing this space calling me back.  Gently. 

Late last night, I was lying on a blanket on the lawn with my husband, stars and meteors were all around us.  It was a night for wishes and gratitude and endless possibilities.  And you were there with me.  All of the amazing women I have connected with this year were part of my personal celebration.  I began 2012 with the intention to connect...and it happened!  Here on the web, and in person at workshops and coffee shops in Rhode Island.  It was an amazing year.

In the coming year, my intention is to be grounded.  Grounded in the moment.  Grounded by wise intuition.  Grounded in nature.  I can't wait to explore this concept with you through writing and photographs and book discussions and parenting workshops and whatever else we can dream up! 

Thank you for being here.

Sending good tidings from my (new) home to yours this season!

xo,

Allison

A Day of Thanks



Freedom from Want by Norman Rockwell

I was driving to New York this past weekend to celebrate my grandmother's 84th birthday.  As I relaxed into the driver's seat, and settled into the luxury of the solo trip, I turned on the radio and found "Talking Turkey" an interview with New York Times Food Editor, Sam Sifton. 

There's a lot of talk on the airwaves about Thanksgiving these days- how to prepare the turkey, etiquette for handling family dramas, and (ugh) which stores are opening on Thursday night.

I found this conversation between two men who clearly love Thanksgiving to be a welcome breath of fresh air.   If you have some time (or if you need some last minute food advice) I hope you'll give it a listen.

But if you can't get to it, allow me to share a few of my favorite points:

• In 1863, Abraham Lincoln declared a National Day of Thanks in the middle of the Civil War.  Think for a moment about the significance of that!  Despite all of the differences dividing the nation, the President believed that all Americans could still reserve one day to give thanks for "the blessings of fruitful fields and healthful skies."
• Sam Sifton also talked about how unusual it is for most people to prepare a meal for ten or more people.  Often, Thanksgiving is the only time that it is done.  He talked about how intimidating that can be, but encouraged listeners to focus on simple things, done well.  A traditional roasted turkey.  Perfectly mashed potatoes.  Just the wholesome, real food of the season.
• Then, the program explored the tradition of saying grace before the meal.  I love how Sam Sifton described this.  Regardless of your religion, or who you want to thank, he said that every host should look around the table, into the eyes of the guests, and express gratitude.  Gratitude to those gathered there, gratitude to the farmers who made the meal possible or gratitude to God for the gifts of health and hope and love....whatever feels right, just take a minute to say it on this day.

It was a lovely reminder of what is truly important in our lives right now.  I am so very excited to share the day with my family, to express my devotion through lovingly prepared foods and before the day is done, to tell them all how grateful I am to have their companionship on my journey through this life.

Wishing you and your family the simplest of pleasures this Thanksgiving!

xo

Allison

Announcing: Free 10 Day Program

I recently shared a link to this Boston Globe article on my Facebook page, asking if people felt the same way about clutter, and if they wanted to DO something about it.  The response was terrific!  So many people are living with too. much. stuff.

I decided it was time for an Autumn Clearing.

Starting November 1st we will work on 3 spaces in our homes.  We will clear out, clean, de-clutter and reorganize our way to more space and more calm in our days.  So far, there are over 30 people signed up for this free program.

We are gathering in a private Facebook group to share updates about our projects, give eachother ideas and inspiration, and hold eachother accountable (yes, that last part can be a huge part of success).

Leave a comment here if you'd like to be added.